


even at the end

by solarsenshi



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 18:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18481474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarsenshi/pseuds/solarsenshi
Summary: It starts with a dare, like most dumb things teenage boys get up to.





	even at the end

**Author's Note:**

> this is a piece from a long abandoned zine that i was apart of, but i'm so terribly fond of this piece and i hope you all like it too?? it's been a very long time since i wrote devilman so i refuse to read it again, but...yeah!

It starts with a dare, like most dumb things teenage boys get up to. 

There’s an abandoned church down the road from where Akira works for the Makimura family. Out of respect for his host family’s religion, Akira pays it absolutely no mind in his day to day life. It is a church, people take refuge there; there’s nothing to really notice. Or so he thinks. As with most things in Akira’s life, it is Ryo who makes him realizes that there are other things to see in the abandoned building. 

“Did you see the scratches on the steps?” Ryo asks one day while Akira is restocking the shelves. Noel Makimura doesn’t mind when Ryo hangs around if Akira is doing menial labor. There are no customers to distract him from and occasionally, Ryo will chat with the man in French. “They’re deep. Something must have made them.” 

“ _ Something _ ,” Akira laughs, shelving tiny bottles of lime flower water next to elderflower water. “You make it sound like there are demons there or something, Ryo!” The answering silence is telling and Akira turns to look at his boyfriend with wide eyes. “You can’t be serious. Demons? In New York City?” 

Ryo smiles that tiny smile that makes Akira’s heart do a small jig and lets him know that the blond is already forming a plan to get them into the church. “Can you think of a better place for demons to be?”   
Akira can’t and a part of him knows this is a terrible idea, but it’s a terrible idea that he’s going to be executing with Ryo and that can’t be so bad, can it? 

☆

Akira doesn’t remember the party. Ryo only remembers bits and pieces. He remembers the strobing lights and pounding bass, he remembers the alcohol the drugs and the writhing bodies. Vaguely, he remembers when the demons attacked them. His spells, brilliant, white, and powerful, did little to keep them back and it wasn’t very long until they were on top of him. 

And then it happened. Akira, sweet and gentle Akira, took down every demon in between himself and Ryo with no thought and no mercy. He stood over Ryo, his chest heaving and sweat slicked with sickly yellow demon blood soaking his fingers. He was beautiful. He was terrifying. Ryo loved him - and Ryo lost consciousness. 

He wakes up in an ornate hospital room with Akira’s head pillowed lightly on the edge of his hospital bed. He’s sleeping peacefully but Ryo can feel the horrors of the night before rolling out off of his skin. Ryo wonders what demon possessed his Akira as he gently strokes his dark hair from his closed eyes. “Akira?”

“Mm..?” He doesn’t really wake and only cracks a pretty hazel eye open to look up at Ryo. His expression is soft and it makes Ryo’s heart clench painfully. “How are you feeling?” It is not a terribly weighted question, but it gives Ryo pause none the less. He feels fine, but the throbbing in his right leg tells him that he’s probably broken  _ something _ . Which is terribly unfortunate for any plans that he may have. 

“I feel okay. Sore, I suppose. I was wondering.. Do you think I can talk to..it? The demon,” Ryo clarifies when Akira looks at him blankly. “I want to know his name.”  _ I want to be able to contain it, should it hurt you _ .

“He said his name is ‘Amon’, but he doesn’t talk much,” Akira answers, resting his chin on his crossed arms. He looks a little like a disgruntled cat, Ryo thinks as he shrugs. He doesn’t care for whatever the demon had to say, but if Akira wasn’t hearing him constantly, he shouldn’t really be a problem.      

☆

“Akira, I’m worried about you,” Miki’s tone is soft and kind but Akira frowns at her regardless. He knows he looks different, with his new muscles, height, and..just about everything else, but there’s nothing wrong with him. “I don’t think Ryo is the best example for you.” 

“He’s my boyfriend, Miki. He takes good care of me and you shouldn’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Akira doesn’t mean to take such a harsh tone with her but he can’t be assed to spare her feelings when he remembers all of the pitying looks she’s given him since that night in the abandoned church with Ryo. “I know this is all very new, but it’ll be fine.” 

Miki looks like she’s about to say something when Ryo walks into the shop with a delicate jingling of bells. He looks every bit like Akira’s savior and he can’t help but smile even as Miki falters. Akira coughs into his sleeve when they make polite conversation and pretends that he doesn’t see the golden ichor staining his hands again.

It’ll pass, he’s sure of it. He goes about his workload like it’s nothing, not at all aware of the vaguely worried looks Ryo kept shooting his hand while he browsed the store.   

☆

"You're like honey," Akira says as he watches the bees fly lazily in the late summer heat. Ryo hums at the assessment as he grabs a large glass jar of honey. It is a dark amber in color and reminds Ryo of Akira’s eyes in the sunlight. He gestures to the merchant with his head to inform him that they will be purchasing it.   
  
"Why's that," Ryo asks, curious but trying hard not to be. He grabs a few bars of honey soap, just because he likes to be thorough and it’s his scent fixation of the moment. It reminds him of Akira, and happier days.   
  
"You're sweet," Akira starts, pressing a kiss to the crown of Ryo's head, "and a little selfish."   
  
If asked, Ryo will agree that he is, in fact, selfish. He does not understand why honey is selfish, so he asks.   
  
Naturally, Akira delivers. "Honey is sticky; it keeps things for itself. It welcomes people in, but doesn't let them leave." His tone is thoughtful as he takes the bag full of their purchases from the vendor. "Hey, do we need apples?"   
  
Ryo nods as he considers Akira's words.They are not unkind, but a part of Ryo is hurt by them. He _is_ selfish. He let a demon take over his boyfriend's body to make him stronger, to protect him from all of the evils permeating the world, to make him Ryo’s tool to salvation.  
  
But it is killing him. Amon is tearing Akira apart. He has made him too fast, too strong, too emotional, too.. _everything_. It is wrong, it is not what Ryo wanted, but Ryo can't help him. He watches as Akira gently picks up fruit for their table and spells.   
  
"What are you thinking about, Ryo?" Akira asks, blissfully ignorant in the face of the turmoil going on in his boyfriend’s heart. It’s better that way; it’s better that he doesn’t realize Ryo _knows_.   
  
_He's going to kill you_ , Ryo thinks, but he just presses a closed lipped kiss to Akira's cheek as he puts the bag of apples in the basket on his boyfriend's arm. _He is going to destroy you, and I can't stop him._ It’s a sobering realization that makes Ryo look down at their sneakers, pristine against the dusty blocks that make up the street. He should tell Akira, he _wants_ to. But he doesn’t.   
  
"We should go apple picking before fall is over," is what he says, instead. Apple picking is innocuous and Akira’s generous height makes getting the higher apples easier. Akira reminds him that certain orchards in New Jersey have apples on the tail end of the peach season and Ryo makes a note to jot that down. “Maybe this weekend.” 

“Sounds good!” Akira gives a little cheer, holding his hands and the grocery bags up in the air with a broad grin. He looks so at ease and happy and for a moment Ryo hopes that divine intervention will finally be on his side. If anyone Ryo knows deserves to be saved, it is Akira. “Oh, Miko has the new flower crop in! Let’s get some!”  Ryo will do anything to see Akira smile like that a little longer.

☆

They only have three months after that. It’s longer than Ryo would have guessed that their time would be, but it’s still not long enough for him to find a way to stop Amon’s destruction of Akira’s body. The only consolation Ryo could find in the situation was that he was able to hold Akira close to his chest in his boyfriend’s last moments. 

It’s with the memory of Akira’s hand slipping from his cheek as his pretty hazel eyes slid shut in death that Ryo picks up a heart shaped bottle from the Makimura witchery along with several herbs that the Makimuras wouldn’t sell to him in good conscious from Sirene’s witchery in the sketchier side of town. He doesn’t like the giant blonde harpy at all, but she does feel his loss almost as deeply as he does; she loved Amon. She probably still loves him, but Ryo doesn’t have the decency to care.

The demon will come back in a few centuries and she can have him then. He will never have Akira again and he can never forgive that. He sits in the den of his massive apartment and dims the lights before yanking the curtains shut. Ryo first feels eyes on him as he goes to light the red and white candles but he brushes it off as his paranoia. What he’s doing is frowned upon by all areas of magic but he needs to do this – he  _ needs _ Akira. 

The herbs go in systematically, all charged with Ryo’s determination to bring the man he loves back to him. The crystals litter the top of the bottle when the tears start to roll down his cheeks and Ryo physically cannot make himself go on. He holds the little heart shaped bottle close to his chest the stopper nearly falling through his fingers as he finally lets the grief overtake him in a way he couldn’t before. 

Ryo cries like he has never cried before, with shaking shoulders and gasping sobs, and his pearlescent tears drip into the bottle’s unshielded opening. He didn’t cry before he lost Akira to Amon. He wasn’t certain that he would be able to cry after. 

“Akira,” he chokes out, clutching so tightly to the bottle that he’s convinced that it’s going to break from the force. “I know you’re gone but please..” He takes a weak, wheezing breath before he speaks again. “Please be somewhere. Please be somewhere that I can find you.” Akira has never been so far and unattainable to Ryo. He’s become lost, confused, unstable. “ _ Akira _ ,” Ryo begs, hanging his head over the bottle before he forces the cork into it. His tears have ruined the original spell, but maybe..it can be good for something. Something less dark. He cries still.

_ I’m here _ . Ryo’s tears don’t stop when he hears Akira’s voice, which is without a doubt what his boyfriend’s spirit had intended. It is Akira’s voice, deep and warm, but it’s also far softer and more ethereal than it had ever been in life so Ryo sobs harder. It gets so bad that he has to set the bottle down and clutch at his chest as if that could make the ache there any better.  _ Why are you crying?  _ Akira asks in that ghostly voice, his hands hovering just above Ryo’s shoulders. He wants to touch him but he’s unsure. 

Despite his pain, Ryo answers. “You’re  _ gone _ from this world, taken away from me and I can’t..”

_ Can’t..? _

“I can’t bring you back.” 

Akira laughs softly but not unkindly as his spirit finally settles behind Ryo’s trembling form and wraps his arms loosely around his body. He doesn’t know if Ryo can actually feel him because even in grief it’s about as hard to read Ryo as it is to read a locked diary.  _ I am never far from you. I will never go somewhere you can’t find me. _

It shouldn’t be as comforting as it is, but Ryo closes his eyes and leans back into Akira’s ghostly embrace with the gentlest of sighs. He doesn’t know why he never considered just keeping Akira close like this. It’s not what it used to be but it is better than not having him at all. “I trust you.” 

_ I love you _ . As soft and genuine as ever. 

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> please come talk to me on twitter and check out my pinned tweet if you really like my fic and would like to do something about that liking! my twitter is [@sugafenty_](https://twitter.com/sugafenty_)!


End file.
